…Every woman is beautiful.
I will forever thank Jesus and my faith in Him for my recovery. If I didn’t have God and His word, I don’t know that I would have seen the value in breaking out of my disordered habits and restoring my weight to a number that everyone else wanted for me. Knowing that God created me in His own image, that he wants more for me then to be in bondage to safe foods, exercise, and the scale, and that He loves me were powerful driving forces during the recovery process. Belonging to God takes me outside of myself, reminds me that I am part of a much bigger picture, and calls me to serve others instead of serving my own desires…the desires of the flesh, the desires of the world.
Although my weight has been restored and I no longer have a compulsion to exercise, I still have to rely on God to help me overcome the ever present mental tangles of the eating disorder. When I feel ugly, huge, and worthless, I remember that my body is only a vessel that holds my soul and helps me fulfill God’s will for me. When I feel emotional and want to overeat, I remember that God gave us food to nourish us, not destroy us. Anorexia is a funny thing…I spent months and years building up an immense amount of self-control, denying myself food when my body cried out in physical hunger, and forcing myself to exercise in the middle of snowstorms, and now my physically recovered body is having to deal with having very little self-control and compulsions to eat for reasons aside from hunger. It is in these times that God’s word reminds me that I was made for so much more than food…I was made for Him, I was made to serve others, I was made to have everlasting joy and love.
Someday, I will see myself with the same eyes as God’s eyes. Someday, I will love myself with the same everlasting love that God loves me. Someday, I will flourish in the same way that I flourished when I was a child. With continued hard work and prayer, that someday may be sooner than I can imagine.
My prayer for you this Sunday is that you will cling to God and see yourself and others with the same compassion, grace, and understanding that God sees you and others.